Who makes the rules? Is it time to throw away your rule book?

One of the things I notice in coaching and listening to others is how we establish rules for ourselves and others around us. With an *N.L.P. background, I’ve found the language we use with ourselves, especially on a consistent basis and over a period of time, has a dramatic impact on our thoughts and behaviour. It can have both a positive and negative impact.

Take for example:

‘I’m 30 soon. I ought to have sorted out my life by now.’
‘I’ve always been shy and retiring so would never apply for that job.’
It’s just a thing I have about management – I have to rebel.’
‘If there’s a challenge, I have to take it.’

In N.L.P. terms these phrases are rules. Rules can dictate far more than just thoughts; they can impact on behaviour at a much deeper level. In a way it almost amounts to ‘brainwashing’ You feed yourself these thoughts and rules and find they have a big influence on the way life your life. It is possible you don’t even know you are doing it, however if you find you are using words such as ‘should’ and ‘ought’ and ‘must’ , ‘have to’ a lot then that’s a bit of a giveaway. Take for example the first phrase ‘I’m nearly 30 I ought to have sorted my life out by now.’
Is this a rule that you have designed for yourself? And if so is it true? Finally – says who? Often looking at the root of these rules you find it isn’t your belief at all; you’ve adopted someone else’s!

Coaching can help with challenging these rules in a positive way and allow you to redefine them. So perhaps… ‘I’m almost 30 and I should know it all by now.’ could become…
I’m almost 30 – time for an adventure!’

If this sounds familiar and you’d like to throw away your rule book, do get in touch.

*Neuro Linguistic Programming